MALORT

Yes, that Malort. And they had billboards.

by Nick Coston

My hometown of Chicago, I’m a born and braised south-sider, is known for an eclectic bunch of foods, sports, museums and city politics. The latter is where they adopted the phrase “the windy city” from, as in a lot of hot air talk going down. We have Wrigley Field, deep-dish pizza (original home of Uno’s Pizzeria, it’s still there), sliced and dipped Italian Beef Sammies, Chicago Hot Dogs (red hots) with bright, green radioactive relish, Buddy Guy’s Legends Blues Club and Rainbow Cones. Plenty of billboards everywhere you look. I should know, I used to buy something like seventy-five at a time.

After being away for nearly forty-five years, I still consider it my home. It’s in my will that when I depart, I am to be buried under the parking lot where Comiskey Park once stood.

I made that last line up.

A little-known beverage, ok, booze, liquor, hootch, swill, whatever you want to call it, exists there. My brother refuses to drink it as do his three sons. We never had it our home growing up, in fact I never touched the stuff until 2018. They say it’s an acquired taste. It should be. The turpentine I’m describing is a wormwood-based liquor, originating in Sweden that was originally produced by Carl Jeppson, a Swedish immigrant and sold to Chicago’s Swedish community beginning in the 1930’s.

Keyword: Wormwood.

I had no idea there were so many Swedes in Chicago. It has been described in nicer terms by having a “long lingering finish”. Wow, that’s being really polite. A rite of passage and a cure for a hangover, it’s a big part of the Chicago bar scene. They have a humorous website listed below and I suggest if you look for some outside of Chicago, you call ahead.

Have you guessed that drink yet? Here’s a visual.

Their tag line is “it’s not a drink for most people, but we’re not most people”. Gotta agree with that. It’s been featured on billboards and has been displayed proudly in the Chicago based TV show, “The Bear”. On a billboard. I love that show.

Yes, I speak of the one and only Malort, the Chicago icon. Thankfully, like all quirky products, they have used OOH media in the past. Billboards, mobile trucks, posters and on bar marquees. And I hope they more, because they have fun with it.

Funny, self-depreciating, clever copy. Wins for me.

For those feeling adventurous, a 750ml bottle of Jeppson’s Malort runs around $27.99. For $43.99 it comes with two Malort shot glasses. You can also order it online, perhaps for your sweetheart. It delivers in four to six days.

Here’s the kicker: it’s famous for its bad reputation.

So next time you hit up my hometown, take in a ball game at Wrigley where you can devour a foot long Chicago Red Hot washed down with a pint of Old Style followed by a big pizza at one of our many divey, outstanding pizza parlors. My favorite is the tavern-style, sausage, mushroom and onions slightly over cooked.

When you’ve completed your gastronomical tour of Chicago’s finest, take in some live music at my fav spot, Andy’s Jazz Club on East Hubbard. It was there on a freezing Wednesday Night that I had my first large shot of Malort, served by a bartender who stood there with her arms crossed making extra sure that I downed it in one swig. No ice, just slightly chilled. I swear, you will live to talk about it. I mean, I did.

I never had a head cold for the next five years.

Who knows, you may even get into a fight with a leprechaun.

www.malort.com