Uncle Buck, Valentine's Day, Free Big Steak and Billboards
by Nick Coston
Some OOH is used to build brand awareness, some OOH is used to scan QR codes, some OOH is used to directly sell a product. Some of the best OOH drives business to your front door, be it an 800 number, web site, geo-fencing or price reduction. But the best, tried and true OOH method of attention is the almighty directional. Hasn’t changed in a hundred years, whether it’s a digital in-window screen, in the bowling alley, in an elevator or in this case on old, tilted wooden poles on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere.
For the price, those old boys still work better and more efficient than anything else. I’m a perfect example.
While at a loss thinking about what to write for today’s piece, a text popped up on my phone directing me to spend Valentine’s Day at The Big Texan Steak House. That’s in Amarillo. Texas. I’m on the east coast in Maryland. And my wife is a vegetarian. She makes it a habit of always carrying divorce papers with her for times like these.
Yes, as the title easily gave it away, you guessed correctly that I had the movie, Uncle Buck playing on my office TV. The text popped up at the scene where Buck Russell surprised his niece and nephew with that massive four feet ‘round, triple stacked pancake, compete with melted butter and maple syrup. The deadly combination of the ad for The Big Texan 72 Ounce steak and pancakes on steroids on my mobile drove me to find a connection between the steak, the pancakes and of course billboards.
Henceforth, today’s piece. Hope you’re hungry.
I’ll back up a skosh for those keeping score. Last April, on a cross-country driving trip westward, beginning in parts of northern Oklahoma, I began to see billboards teasing me to hit up The Big Texan Steak House for dinner. You all know the bet they make with unsuspecting tourists, order the 72 ouncer, finish it in one sitting and it’s free. Can’t finish it? Then cough up $72 plus anything else you may not have digested. They’ll give a free doggie bag for the remains.
The boards were mostly older, wooden structures on the right side of the highway heading towards Amarillo. The copy even said there was a Big Texan Hotel right on the same property to pass out in after woofing down half a heifer.
The billboards worked. When I pulled over for gas and snacks, I called the hotel using the 800 number slapped on the board, made a reservation for both the hotel and a dinner for one at 7:30pm, and I was on my way to big, fat, meat heaven. Or just heaven. I counted sixteen such OOH units including the two static bulletins on the restaurant property. They got me, hook, line and butcher block.
In my glory days of being a 275 pounder, I may, MAY have tried to go for all 72 ounces. My brother Jim would have for sure, and our cousin Billy, in his heyday most certainly would, and finished it. He would have gotten a free steak dinner. Billy is now a medical doctor advising against such bets. We call him Dr. Bill.
I went in for a much smaller version, a lovely 36-ounce ribeye that I ate half of. While waiting for my hunk of red meat, I visited with two blokes sitting at an elevated table in front of the grillmaster, as they were buying into the billboard copy, making attempts at the ol’ 72 ouncer. For free. One chap didn’t even make it half-way, stepping aside from his seat and headed to the little rustler’s room. Never saw him again. Really. He’s still missing.
The other fellow had a better head of steam going, but he too, with around 1/3 left, threw in the napkin. You know the saying, meat sweats? It’s true. It’s also not very pretty. This fella, his name was, and I kid you not, Buck. For the record, my money was on Buck to take it all. He was young, athletic and wore all black. I couldn’t lose, he was a sure thing.
This is why I stink at horse betting. Buck bailed with about 1/3rd steak remaining and a half a baked potato with a salad with chunky blue cheese dressing. Both gents had to cough up $72 each and who knows what else. When Buck could speak, I asked him what drove him to eat here and go after half a cow.
Without skipping a beat, Buck, sweating profusely while downing a gallon of iced tea, blurted out “dude, the billboards, we couldn’t pass it up. Right?”
So, there you have it. Uncle Buck, Valentine’s Day, free steak and billboards. All wrapped up in a nice, meaty package, delivered to you at 7:00am today. Cooked medium rare, Pittsburgh style, with a red bow and Valentin’s Day card. For the record, I most certainly would follow the boards and eat there again, if not for the big steaks just for the show. And if you’re in the area right now, they serve breakfast from 8:00am to 10:00am. Steaks and eggs starting at $14.72. Nothing is free at breakfast no matter how much you eat.
Billboards always tell fabulous stories.
Happy Valentines Day from the road.
